Start early, then leave it alone
Write a first draft a month or two out, then don’t look at it for a week. The clunky lines are obvious when you come back, and the good ones are still good. Write it the way you talk: if you wouldn’t say “thus” over dinner, don’t say it at the altar.
Keep it short
A minute each is plenty, about 150 words. Three parts work for almost everyone: something true about the two of you, something you love about them, and a few promises you can actually keep. Funny is fine. One private joke is fine. Five is a speech.
Say it out loud before the day
Read it to someone who isn’t marrying you: a friend, your dog, the bathroom mirror. You’ll find the sentence that runs too long and the word you always trip on. I’m happy to read your drafts too, and I print both sets of vows on cards for the day.
What has to stay
Your own vows go alongside the legal ones, not instead of them. The legal vows are one sentence each, and the modern form is: “I ask everyone here to witness that I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife (or husband, or spouse).” An “I do” can’t replace them. Everything after that is yours.
